My baby is 1!!

Wow!!! Elizabeth is 1. It is amazing how fast this year has gone. This time last year my life was changed and my eyes were opened. The little miracle that was placed in my arms helped to find out who I am, who I want to be, and they way things really are. It's amazing how in such a beautiful moment of seeing my daughter for the first time I knew I would die for her, do anything for her, love her unconditionally, and put her before myself no matter what. She helped to realize how much I love my husband, Chris. This wonderful man stood by my side through labor and my troubles post partum and stayed strong when I felt so weak. When the world forgot about me, he still did what he could to make me feel beautiful and loved. There isn't a soul in this world luckier than I am. My daughter and husband have given me a new drive, goal, and lust for life. Seeing the world through my daughters eyes in truely spectacular. To watch the studying, questioning, exciting, and loving gazes that come from her eyes melts my heart.

Happy Birthday Elizabeth Marie Gordon! Mommy and Daddy love you so very much and are so proud of the wonderful little miracle that you are!

Where is the beauty?

I've been looking at so many photos lately. Looking for a place to take dance photos and get some head shots done. In looking for ideas, I see so many girls with such unique features that are so beautiful. I then look at myself in the mirror and I know I couldn't take pictures like that. I can't look that beautiful. I challenge any photographer to find beauty in me. I'm too wierd. My eyes just aren't right for a pretty picture. I don't have it.

A Leap of Faith!!!

So I took the first step in getting me on the path to career happiness. On Thursday, I drove to the studio to have a talk with my old director. Instead of asking for a position, I asked if I could audition for her in 2 months. I think it will help me be more confident and I hope that it looked good on my part. I stated my intentions on returning to school for Arts Management/studio operations and to start teaching dance again. The meeting went well and she agreed to let me auditoin for her in the near future.
So I guess the ball is now in my court. It is up to me to make it or break it. I now have to buckle down and get my butt back in shape. I hope that I meet and exceed her expectations and that I dont disappoint myself.
You never know what will happen if you dont take a leapof faith.

Frustrations

Well, it's been a while since I've blogged. I'm sitting at my inlaws in Maine and had the chance to let you all in on my life currently. As you can tell by my title I'm frustrated. I feel frozen in time. I feel so helpless to get things in motion and feel like I can't vent so much of my feelings because I could be stepping on toes. It's like I'm screaming in the middle of a crowded room and no one can hear me. The clock is ticking away and I can't move with the beat. AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

It's been a while!

Well, it's been a little while since I've written anything. I've taken a couple of dance classes recently. Amazingly, they weren't that bad. Not ready by any means. Gotta say though, I'm stressing. I don't have a car to get to class and I need to get in class badly. I"ve got a lot to work on if i don't want to make a total ass of myself. My heart is slowly breaking at the thought of being train wrecked by my finiancial status. GRRRRR I hope something gives and I will make it into the company. My soul is hurting.

On a roll?

As of lately, I have been getting so much done in a quicker time than normal for me. I found the strength to go back to work. However short of a day it was, I did it. I hope that this ball keeps on rolling. I hope that I keep getting work, get my car fixed, get back into dance classes, get back to the company, and ultimately start working on a degree in dance and studio management. Dance is what I know and love. Do what you love.
On a different note, a small pebble in the way of this ball. I just got word from my doctor that i'm having thyroid issues. I have an appointment tomorrow and I'm anxious to find out what's truely going on. When I was dancing I never had so many health issues. Hopefully dancing again will get me back on track. OH BALLET WORLD YOUR SIRENS CALL ME AND I AM HINDERED TO GET TO YOU AS QUICKLY AS I WISH.

Memories!

My Mom and I were driving down the road the other day and realized. Wow, this time of year we usually could have been found at rehearsals getting ready for opening weekend of the Nutcracker. To most people the smell of a theater is nothing to write home about. But I love the smell of the dust, the stage, the old curtains, and the feel of the floor. We talked a while about our adventures. So many tutu's piled high in her van.

I can remember after company class it was off to the dressing room. I'd start my make-up, go out to prayer before the show started, back in the dressing room, I'd be finishing my make-up as the music started for party scene. On with my tights and pointe shoes, in the hallway to stretch. Then it was getting sewn into my snow tutu and off to the wings.

I don't ever remember being nervous before a show. I can still remember the feel, just a split second before going on stage of--- omg I have to pee (that was my nerves) and on I was with a flying grand zete. Gosh the second I stepped on stage I was a million feet high. It was a feeling of electricity, flight, and untouchability that for a short moment in time I was beautiful. None of the harsh words I had heard in school could bother me in my safe haven on stage. I didn't have two different eyes there. I was everything I wanted to be.

I take my bow, and once again I return to being the skinny, one eyed girl that I wish I could escape.